How to Know When to Walk Away From Sexless Marriage?

May 7, 2021

Reading Time: 8 minutes

Although marriage isn’t all about sex, physical intimacy helps in cultivating love & affection. It is a means to express love & care for each other without uttering a word. Sex is the driving force for a happy married couple’s life. However, marriages sometimes become monotonous, with no physical connection. For instance, both husband and wife are merely performing their responsibilities in the name of marriage, and there is no physical connection. And, this is the time when one or both partners seek out an extramarital affair to satisfy their sexual desires. 

So, when do you know you should walk away from your marriage? Well, when your partner stops thinking about your emotional or sexual needs or makes you feel unwanted all the time, or you haven’t engaged in any sexual activity for months without apparent reason, and you haven’t been on good terms lately, these are the signs that your marriage is doomed and you should walk away from sexless marriage.

In a nutshell, sex helps in focusing on one relationship.

Do you, too, feel your marriage has become sexless? Not sure whether you should end it or not. Here, in this article, we’ve rounded up signs that your marriage is sexless, and you must walk away from it. 

#1 Your Partner Feels Like a Roommate

Couples tend to underestimate the importance of physical intimacy in a long-term relationship. During the initial days, both the partners make efforts to groom and dress to appear desirable for sex to each other. 

But, now things have changed; your partner is living with you like a roommate. They returned from the office on a busy day and slept next to you; no kissing and no cuddling.

#2 Not Talking About Sex

Don’t feel timid. In a happy married couple’s life, talking about sex is an integral part. If you too aren’t thinking and having an open conversation about sex, then, believe me, you two are going to have a long sexless period. Being open is key to understanding what you two like in bed; without it, the marriage can’t flourish. So, if your partner is not talking about sex for hours, then the chances are you are in a sexless marriage, and this is the time, you should consider, no sex in marriage grounds for divorce.

#3 Giving All the Time & Energy to Kids

Yes, you have kids now, as parents you love them, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have sex even once a week. So, if your partner comes back from the office, just to express their love and emotions for kids, and when they see you, there’s no spark. 

If you two are not connecting romantically and sensually; then it is a red flag that your marriage is moving in the direction of being dull and sexless.

See also  What's an Empty Nest Syndrome Marriage? How It Can Lead To Divorce?

#4 No Erotic Scenes in a Movie Together

The sex scenes in the moves tend to ignite a mojo between couples to start the bed on fire. You may see something you fantasize about trying with your partner or the feeling of sex arouses. But, if your partner gets uncomfortable and often changes the channel, then this indicates a problem with your sex life. 

Being able to enjoy erotic moves shown in a movie is a sign of good sexual health. So, if your partner is not interested in watching sex scenes with you, maybe they are not attracted to you. And, this could be one of the biggest reasons for divorce due to sexless marriage.

#4 There is No Flirting

Is your partner not flirting with you, no erotic energy in the house? Partners make eye contact, use body language, and other signs of getting flirty with their partner to turn on their partner. 

They leave hints outside the bedroom to have sex with their partner. If such flirting is missing from your marriage, then you have to think about your relationship seriously. 

#5 No Touching, No Kissing

Another prominent sign that your marriage has no intimate connection is that your partner never touches you inside or outside the bedroom. You two don’t cuddle in the bedroom before sleeping or holding hands while watching a movie. 

#6 Boring Bedtime

If your partner spends most of their time in bed indulged in scrolling through social media feeds and there is nothing else left to do other than sleep, you need to consider this a meaningful sign. More so, when they get annoyed that you disturb them from their phone activities, rather than learning that they must keep you happy physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Should You Choose Divorce Over Sexless Marriage?

Divorce or staying in a sexless marriage? We get asked this question by many clients who are stuck in sexless marriages and want to make an informed decision. There is no simple answer to this question because there are many factors that weigh into the choice of divorce or working out an arrangement. And quite often people feel that they have tried everything without success so that eventually leads them to choose divorce. Here are some of the factors to consider while choosing between divorce and working on a sexless marriage problem:

1) Religious Beliefs About Divorce:

If you have strong religious beliefs against divorce then it may not be easy for you take this route. Instead, you can also try working on your sexless marriage problem.

2) It’s Your First Marriage:

If this is your first marriage then it would be difficult for you to go through the immense pressure of dealing with divorce. And since most of our clients are first-timers, they feel that there is no clear answer to this question. You need to understand that if the reason behind not having sex in marriage is physical or due to medical reasons like depression, chronic fatigue etc. then it makes sense to work out an arrangement of staying together without sex rather than moving towards divorce.

3) You Still Love & Value Each Other:

This is an important point to consider. There must be some good reasons to choose divorce over a sexless marriage. But if you love and value each other, this should not be the only basis of your decision. Even though you are married for decades, there are still chances of getting back together again if you both really want it.

4) You Can Afford It

One factor that many couples fail to consider is cost! There can be so many hidden costs involved in filing for divorce. Legal fees, court costs, moving out expenses just to name a fee. If either spouse has lost interest in being with the other one physically, maybe they can try having an open conversation about their unhappiness first before jumping to divorce.

See also  Cheating Husband: 27 Signs That Your Husband Is Probably Cheating

5) There Are Kids Involved:

As much as you may not want to face it, there are children involved. They need to know that their parents love each other enough to stay together and work things out. Kids are very sensitive when they sense their parents are unhappy with each other. It is easier for them if their parents stay together.

Divorce does not solve anything in a sexless marriage. If you have kids, don’t use the divorce card too soon without working it out because it will hurt them more than you think.

6) You Are Ready To Move On:

If you have thought it over and over again, that you are not going to be happy in this marriage, moving on is the best option for you. It is certainly more difficult to stay together because staying will make both of you unhappy. Remember it’s what’s best for everyone involved even though divorce can be a messy process too. There comes a time when enough becomes enough don’t wait until it hurts more than ever before making the decision to move on.

Related: 31 Signs That Your Wife Is Probably Cheating

How do you know when enough is enough?

The problem with sexless marriages is they tend to escalate in their lack of sexual activity until both parties are either unhappy or repulsed by what once was an intimate aspect of their relationship. You will likely see more and more irreconcilable differences between the couple as every other aspect of the marriage falls apart sooner or later; all because of a lack of physical intimacy. This is when you know you should be doing something about it.

How to Know When to Walk Away from Sexless Marriage?

In a sexless marriage, one or both spouses have checked out from the physical side of the relationship. While this may seem to be something that couples can work through and get past over time, there is evidence which suggests that it’s better to end such a relationship than try to make your way back after strong emotional ties have been broken.

Here are the signs that divorce is a better option:

1. You don’t want to work on it anymore

If you or your spouse refuse to work the issue. Meanwhile, you’ll find yourself considering what life could be like if you were single again. It will seem like an appealing thought because then you can do whatever you want to without having to consider someone else’s feelings or desires.

2. You’re no longer attracted to your spouse

When your wife walks by in her usual frumpy housecoat and curlers (or husband is walking around with his usual three-day old stubble and stinky t-shirt), you won’t feel the least bit aroused anymore. Having sex doesn’t mean anything to either of you, not even bothering with foreplay even if it means your day will start off pleasant instead of miserable.

3. The marriage does not matter anymore

Although breaking up is hard to do , when a marriage stops mattering it becomes harder and harder to stay in. You start demand something and then they give it and you want more, you begin to feel like yard long and they won’t turn the hose on for you.

4. Living together gives rise to feeling of being incompatible

When two people have been living together for too long they will often develop ‘comfortable hatred’ or become so used to each other that they can not stand each other anymore, leading one or both partners wanting out of the relationship.

5. Adultery Has Been There

Many times, this happens that the partner who is cheated on, does not want to face it. And they don’t take much notice of what their partners are up to. But, when you have caught your partner red-handed or there has been any physical evidence of adultery, then you should forgive yourself for whatever happened in the past and do the needful now. This way you will be able to put an end to the sexless marriage.

See also  How much does a private investigator cost to catch a spouse cheating?

6. Tired Of Making Excuses For Your Spouse

This occurs mostly with women as men usually tend to keep quite about the lack of intimacy between them both. It might seem like a joke at first but if every time your spouse talks about sex, all he hears back from you is excuses; it might be time to move on.

7. When Sex Becomes A Weapon And A Bargaining Chip

It really sucks when sex becomes a weapon or means of bargaining with your spouse or significant other. It just gives a clear sign that they have given up on the relationship and there is no legitimate intimacy.

How to Repair a Sexless Marriage?

Make an effort to get your marriage to what it was some years back. You can seek a marriage counsellor. It would be best if your partner is ready to accompany you to the sessions. A counsellor will thoroughly listen to both of you and often figure out where the problem is. Is it the lack of love between the couple or just two people finding it tough to run the errands of life? The counselors will give them valuable advice and tips you can implement to fix the problem and bring back those long nights of sex like crazy. 

Should You Stay In Sexless Marriage?

The decision to stay in a sexless marriage is not one that takes place overnight. It’s usually the result of years of being tired, frustrated, or lonely, and will take time (and patience) to work through. Plus, there are many other important factors at play – how much you care for your spouse, how well do they communicate with each other, their emotional intimacy skills – so figuring out whether you should stay in a sexless marriage is not something that can be answered by an article on the internet!

Regardless of what decision you make, though, it’s important that both spouses understand all the consequences before deciding to suffer through another day of feeling neglected. If either party is struggling with accepting any type of change then don’t push it and make a decision that you both can live by.

How to End a Sexless Marriage?

In the end, before taking a big step of filing a sexless marriage divorce, you must sit down with your partner and talk about this. This is often the case – your partner is struggling to cope up with their professional life and pressure to meet ends, leading to sexlessness. You must work out a set schedule and try new things to get your marriage back on track.

The only way to end a sexless marriage is to talk it through and decide how you want to move forward. Of course, there may be other things going on in the relationship that are impacting your sexual desire for one another. If you’re generally unhappy or unsatisfied with your life outside of the bedroom, for example, then it will most likely transfer into the bedroom. There’s also a risk that if neither person has brought up their lack of intimacy due to fear of hurting the other’s feelings or being judged by their partner.

Now more than ever, it’s necessary for partners who have lost any element of physical closeness in a relationship to communicate about what they want sexually from each other as well as what they need from one.

And, finally, if things still don’t get better, it means your partner is no longer in love with you, and you are free to opt for a no-sex divorce.